Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize