She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
