Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
The air taste purple.
Randomize
