Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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