VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
