awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
