I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
