I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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