I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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