Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
