Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Randomize
