Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
