I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
