we made out on top of his cat.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
