And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
We're using joints as your birthday candles
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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