Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
