Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
