Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
