you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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