I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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