I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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