I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
