hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
The air was thick with penises
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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