so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
