69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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