She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'm having to shit out rocks
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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