Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
