last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
