Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
