so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
