I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I skipped work to stalk him.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
