I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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