butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
