dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
