Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
