I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize