just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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