Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
