i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
