Got a toothbrush?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
