We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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