is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
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