I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
If I die, sorry about rent.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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