You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
