its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
