sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
