He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
