You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
