I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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