I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
