I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
