I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
