its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
