weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
