I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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