They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
