Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
