just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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