i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
