I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
high people should be assigned attendants
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Randomize
