I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Randomize
