Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
