it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I think a kid would responsible me up
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
