she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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