Betty ford says i'm here all night
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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