apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
