your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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