Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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