i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
