I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
