is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
