D3 body, D1 cock
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm jealous of your bromance
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
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