The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
