i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
