i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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